By Aislinn De'Ath

By Aislinn De'Ath
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Tuesday, 12 November 2013

Things Disney films have taught me....

So Reader, I've been thinking a lot a bit about Disney of late. Mainly because Christmas is approaching and I'm anticipating some much needed sitting on the sofa watching films, and I was thinking of all the lessons Disney has taught me. There have been quite a few, not all of them correct, nor altogether good lessons.
Here they are!

Disney Lessons I probably shouldn't have learnt

  • All pretty girls can sing. All of them. And they do. About everything.
  • No one ever does a poo, unless it's an animal about to do one on a villain
  • Even peasants wear really well fitting clothes
  • Heroes and pretty girls are always thin
  • Fairy godmothers totally exist and they're always over 60 and portly
  • Vegetables can be used as a mode of transport
  • Reading makes you special (well, duh)
  • Poor people meet royalty all the fricken time, just casually
  • Loads of people that can sing beautifully don't use it professionally because they just want to get married
  • People's dad's die. CONSTANTLY. And no one has a mum. But step parents live forever.
  • Animals are your friends. Especially wild ones.
  • Ditto midgets.
  • Elderly women who live alone are witches
  • No one lives in a city. Lots of people live in a palace in the countryside
  • Bread is just about the tastiest meal anyone can have
  • Exotic pets are totally normal
  • Everyone has perfect teeth. Even if they live in a cave.
  • Anyone can survive certain death. Even baddies
  • Trees are perfectly cosy places to live
  • Cakes look like they're made of yogurt and when they're knocked, they slop from side to side
  • Girls never have to make the first move
  • Dancing is the best chat up line 
  • Balls happen on everyone's 16th birthday
  • Crabs are friendly
  • Voodoo is AWESOME and creates green smoke
  • It's always beautifully sunny during the day and clear and starry at night
  • Wishing on starts totally works
  • Having tiny feet gets you places
  • No one is at all clumsy. Ever. Unless they're bad or sidekicks. Or crabs.
That's all for now Reader!

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