Oh god Reader, 17 year old me is back through the magic of time travel (and imagination! Ooh, it's like the magic schoolbus!)
Oh, I'm back here again am I? I was right in the middle of something!
What? Doing your homework? Reading Othello for Mrs. Roe's English class?
No, drawing peace signs on my jotter. I'm totally into issues.
Er....sorry....issues? What issues are those then?
Oh, you know. Issues. I'm a veggie now and everything!
Well...yeah. But that's not exactly because you think eating meat is wrong is it?
Yeah it is! I feel really sad about how mean they are to the poor animals and the way they treat them in the barns and stuff
No it's not. It's because you got grossed out by seeing the butcher taking out the bits from the Christmas turkey isn't it?
Yeah, well that too. Veins. Eurgh. But I'm into other issues too! I really believe that the wars should stop!
What wars are those 17 year old me?
Oh...you know....wars....in general.
Oh god. Look kid, you can't just feel outraged without any actual grounding. Yeah, war is bad, and mistreatment of animals is bad, but you need to be a bit more specific about it. You can't just claim to be into issues but not know what any of them are.
I mean, you still wear leather! And buy your clothes at topshop!
Does that mean that when we're in our mid twenties we're like, totally eco and only buy organic and stuff?
Not so much. We're actually eating meat again.
Well, you know how you keep almost fainting? Even though you're eating loads? Well, you have anemia. And as you get older you start missing the deliciousness of duck pancakes. And you discover this stuff called pulled pork. It's too good.
Eurgh. That's gross. Think I'll stick to veggie sushi thanks.
Well, you will till you're almost 25 anyway.
Huh. So what are we doing at the moment?
Well, I did a voice job this morning and now I'm prepping for a film I'm doing in portugal in a couple of weeks
OH MY GOD, ARE WE THE VOICE OF FERRERO ROCHER?!
No! Wow, I haven't seen one of those ads in years. Actually, the guy who did those ads taught us how to be a voiceover artist, so that's pretty cool. We do a bit of everything-although we haven't done any narration for talking books yet. We really want to though.
We should totally do Harry Potter voiceovers
Well, Stephen Fry sort of did all that, keep watching the films though, they're very good. Oh god, the last one...
SO SAD. I'm still in mourning for the twins. And Tonks and Lupin.
Yeah, we never really get over that.
So how's being single going? Are you living the SATC life?
Er...no. Besides, they're all in their forties, cheeky cow! I've been pretty busy recently, which sort of takes away the chance of meeting attractive single men. And besides, I'm kind of loving embracing my spinster side. I'm watching tv shows, baking, babysitting and there's bugger all drama going on in my life. Which is kind of lovely.
Can't you at least go on a few dates? You're totally letting the side down! We're supposed to be cooler than mental mid-twenties spinster lady!
Oh yeah, like you're any better! You went on one date through the whole of sixth form! And you freaked out and ended up dumping the guy as soon as you got home!
He kept stroking my hand and commenting on how small and soft it was! Totally freaky!
I know! But you didn't really give the poor boy a chance did you?
I just wanted to watch the Incredibles in peace! Besides, we hate it when people talk during films.
This is true. We never grow out of this. We are also still ridiculously awkward around men we like. Which is another nice side effect of being mental spinster lady-no making a dick of myself around hotties-for there are none to be a dick around!
That doesn't sound terribly promising
Ah, it'll get better. It's just at the moment quite a lot of our male friends are gay.
WE HAVE GAY FRIENDS? THAT'S SO EXCITING!
*SIGH* Ok, so I know you don't know any yet, but that's just a symptom of going to an all girls catholic school. There are LOADS of gay guys in the boys school down the road, you just don't know any of them yet. Besides, you don't have male friends generally yet! When you get to my age, most of your friends are men!
Really? That's cool. Am I a bit of a tomboy?
Hahahahhahahah, No. We still climb trees and stuff, but we love our dresses, heels and cakes. And making homes beautiful. But we get on with guys pretty well. They're funny! And good at teaching us about football (HAH, jokes, we don't care, we just let them ramble on while we think about what to make for dinner or how to learn difficult accents).
Pfft. Fine. Well, I have to go. Kaat and I are going to bunk English and sit by the Camden canal.
Ah memories. Off you trot child. Enjoy not having to wear a bra while you can.
And there she goes, off in a whirlwind of sparkly gel pens, mini kilts and posters of Garbage and No Doubt.
And on that note Reader, so shall I!