Reader, here I was, wrapping presents and playing Christmas music when all of a sudden, with a flash and a bang, 17 year old me fell onto the couch next to me.
OI! I was just wrapping nan's Christmas pressie!
Dear child, putting things in plastic bags and securing them with duct tape does not wrapping make.
Well Mum's hidden all the wrapping paper!
One day you will learn to buy wrapping paper ages ahead of time. In fact, you'll pride yourself on getting the sparkliest, shinest tat wrapping paper there is!
Don't have to worry about that for a while though, do I? God, I am SO EXCITED! I can't wait to put out the mince pie and sherry and carrots for the reindeers!
Yeah, me too. Although Dad made some noises about us stopping that this year.
WHAT?!
I know! Bloody ridiculous! I told him that we will only stop doing that once I have kids! And then they will do it and I'll be Santa! (Although I might make him dress up like Granddad used to. We already got him a reindeer onesie)
So what have you asked for this year from Santa?
A few things-a camera that I can vlog with next year (hey, maybe I'll be able to catch you on tape next year!), some nice underwear, gorgeous stockings and tights and various other bits and bobs
Whats a 'vlog'?
It's like a video version of a blog, kind of like...erm...wait, you wouldn't know any of the vloggers I watch, I don't think they've even started when I'm 17. Keep an eye out for Anna Akana and KatersOneSeven though, they're going to be big. So will Jenna Marbles, but you'll get a bit frustrated with how she talks about other women.
Cool! I've asked for Bon-fite' make up and the Arctic Monkey's album. Oh, and this really nice mini kilt from Camden.
First off, it's pronounced 'Benefit' not 'bon-bloody-fite'' Don't be an eejit. And mini kilts make you look like a tarty goth. Especially when you wear them with your fishnets and that strap top.
Nah, everyone wears them!
No everyone bloody doesn't! Oh go on, enjoy them while you can. Soon you'll be too busty to pull that look off anyway.
I reaaaally want a dress from the fifties shop under the bridge in Camden too. You know, the ones with the pinched waists?
Yeah, that's what's known as 'THE PERFECT GIFT'. We'd still happily get a new one of those with a different design for every special occasion. In fact, I might ask for one for my next birthday! You actually have quite a few of those dresses, but they work SO well with your figure. Jeans however, are a lost cause. Our hips are way too big. We are very much a dress girl in our mid twenties.
I never wear dresses!
I know. You learn to. In your first year of uni you turn properly vintage and wear a pencil skirt and heels every day. We've relaxed a bit now, but we still like to crack out the 50's clothes at least once a week. The only reason we have jeans in our wardrobe is for costumes!
Odd. I love my skinny jeans.
That's because you have a tiny bum at the moment.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'AT THE MOMENT'????!!!
Er....nothing. Nothing at all. Just cherish it (while you can)
You look really tired today
Wow. Thanks, you really know how to give a girl a compliment
But you do! Your hair is all sticky-uppy and you're wearing men's pyjamas and one of your eyes is half closed! You look like an advert for coffee!
Good. Getting judged by a 17 year old version of myself. Nice. If you must know, I was out with mum and the ladies who work in her company last night and I'm a bit knackered today!
Loser, I've been out at the Mean Fiddler till 5 this morning and I'm off to have lunch with the girls! Right. Bye then! Merry Christmas!
(Bang, crash, wallop)
Off you go, you ridiculous creature.
And merry Christmas to you Reader! May it be full of sugar plums and pine and snow!
Festive tarrahs
Ash
x
By Aislinn De'Ath
Click on my face to link to my vlog!
Showing posts with label 17 year old me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 17 year old me. Show all posts
Saturday, 21 December 2013
Friday, 29 November 2013
17 year old me is back...
Oh god Reader, 17 year old me is back through the magic of time travel (and imagination! Ooh, it's like the magic schoolbus!)
Oh, I'm back here again am I? I was right in the middle of something!
What? Doing your homework? Reading Othello for Mrs. Roe's English class?
No, drawing peace signs on my jotter. I'm totally into issues.
Er....sorry....issues? What issues are those then?
Oh, you know. Issues. I'm a veggie now and everything!
Well...yeah. But that's not exactly because you think eating meat is wrong is it?
Yeah it is! I feel really sad about how mean they are to the poor animals and the way they treat them in the barns and stuff
No it's not. It's because you got grossed out by seeing the butcher taking out the bits from the Christmas turkey isn't it?
Yeah, well that too. Veins. Eurgh. But I'm into other issues too! I really believe that the wars should stop!
What wars are those 17 year old me?
Oh...you know....wars....in general.
Oh god. Look kid, you can't just feel outraged without any actual grounding. Yeah, war is bad, and mistreatment of animals is bad, but you need to be a bit more specific about it. You can't just claim to be into issues but not know what any of them are.
Yeah well...
I mean, you still wear leather! And buy your clothes at topshop!
Does that mean that when we're in our mid twenties we're like, totally eco and only buy organic and stuff?
Not so much. We're actually eating meat again.
WHAT?!
Well, you know how you keep almost fainting? Even though you're eating loads? Well, you have anemia. And as you get older you start missing the deliciousness of duck pancakes. And you discover this stuff called pulled pork. It's too good.
Eurgh. That's gross. Think I'll stick to veggie sushi thanks.
Well, you will till you're almost 25 anyway.
Huh. So what are we doing at the moment?
Well, I did a voice job this morning and now I'm prepping for a film I'm doing in portugal in a couple of weeks
OH MY GOD, ARE WE THE VOICE OF FERRERO ROCHER?!
No! Wow, I haven't seen one of those ads in years. Actually, the guy who did those ads taught us how to be a voiceover artist, so that's pretty cool. We do a bit of everything-although we haven't done any narration for talking books yet. We really want to though.
We should totally do Harry Potter voiceovers
Well, Stephen Fry sort of did all that, keep watching the films though, they're very good. Oh god, the last one...
SO SAD. I'm still in mourning for the twins. And Tonks and Lupin.
Yeah, we never really get over that.
So how's being single going? Are you living the SATC life?
Er...no. Besides, they're all in their forties, cheeky cow! I've been pretty busy recently, which sort of takes away the chance of meeting attractive single men. And besides, I'm kind of loving embracing my spinster side. I'm watching tv shows, baking, babysitting and there's bugger all drama going on in my life. Which is kind of lovely.
Can't you at least go on a few dates? You're totally letting the side down! We're supposed to be cooler than mental mid-twenties spinster lady!
Oh yeah, like you're any better! You went on one date through the whole of sixth form! And you freaked out and ended up dumping the guy as soon as you got home!
He kept stroking my hand and commenting on how small and soft it was! Totally freaky!
I know! But you didn't really give the poor boy a chance did you?
I just wanted to watch the Incredibles in peace! Besides, we hate it when people talk during films.
This is true. We never grow out of this. We are also still ridiculously awkward around men we like. Which is another nice side effect of being mental spinster lady-no making a dick of myself around hotties-for there are none to be a dick around!
That doesn't sound terribly promising
Ah, it'll get better. It's just at the moment quite a lot of our male friends are gay.
WE HAVE GAY FRIENDS? THAT'S SO EXCITING!
*SIGH* Ok, so I know you don't know any yet, but that's just a symptom of going to an all girls catholic school. There are LOADS of gay guys in the boys school down the road, you just don't know any of them yet. Besides, you don't have male friends generally yet! When you get to my age, most of your friends are men!
Really? That's cool. Am I a bit of a tomboy?
Hahahahhahahah, No. We still climb trees and stuff, but we love our dresses, heels and cakes. And making homes beautiful. But we get on with guys pretty well. They're funny! And good at teaching us about football (HAH, jokes, we don't care, we just let them ramble on while we think about what to make for dinner or how to learn difficult accents).
Pfft. Fine. Well, I have to go. Kaat and I are going to bunk English and sit by the Camden canal.
Ah memories. Off you trot child. Enjoy not having to wear a bra while you can.
What?!
Nothing. Bye!
And there she goes, off in a whirlwind of sparkly gel pens, mini kilts and posters of Garbage and No Doubt.
And on that note Reader, so shall I!
Ash
x
Oh, I'm back here again am I? I was right in the middle of something!
What? Doing your homework? Reading Othello for Mrs. Roe's English class?
No, drawing peace signs on my jotter. I'm totally into issues.
Er....sorry....issues? What issues are those then?
Oh, you know. Issues. I'm a veggie now and everything!
Well...yeah. But that's not exactly because you think eating meat is wrong is it?
Yeah it is! I feel really sad about how mean they are to the poor animals and the way they treat them in the barns and stuff
No it's not. It's because you got grossed out by seeing the butcher taking out the bits from the Christmas turkey isn't it?
Yeah, well that too. Veins. Eurgh. But I'm into other issues too! I really believe that the wars should stop!
What wars are those 17 year old me?
Oh...you know....wars....in general.
Oh god. Look kid, you can't just feel outraged without any actual grounding. Yeah, war is bad, and mistreatment of animals is bad, but you need to be a bit more specific about it. You can't just claim to be into issues but not know what any of them are.
Yeah well...
I mean, you still wear leather! And buy your clothes at topshop!
Does that mean that when we're in our mid twenties we're like, totally eco and only buy organic and stuff?
Not so much. We're actually eating meat again.
WHAT?!
Well, you know how you keep almost fainting? Even though you're eating loads? Well, you have anemia. And as you get older you start missing the deliciousness of duck pancakes. And you discover this stuff called pulled pork. It's too good.
Eurgh. That's gross. Think I'll stick to veggie sushi thanks.
Well, you will till you're almost 25 anyway.
Huh. So what are we doing at the moment?
Well, I did a voice job this morning and now I'm prepping for a film I'm doing in portugal in a couple of weeks
OH MY GOD, ARE WE THE VOICE OF FERRERO ROCHER?!
No! Wow, I haven't seen one of those ads in years. Actually, the guy who did those ads taught us how to be a voiceover artist, so that's pretty cool. We do a bit of everything-although we haven't done any narration for talking books yet. We really want to though.
We should totally do Harry Potter voiceovers
Well, Stephen Fry sort of did all that, keep watching the films though, they're very good. Oh god, the last one...
SO SAD. I'm still in mourning for the twins. And Tonks and Lupin.
Yeah, we never really get over that.
So how's being single going? Are you living the SATC life?
Er...no. Besides, they're all in their forties, cheeky cow! I've been pretty busy recently, which sort of takes away the chance of meeting attractive single men. And besides, I'm kind of loving embracing my spinster side. I'm watching tv shows, baking, babysitting and there's bugger all drama going on in my life. Which is kind of lovely.
Can't you at least go on a few dates? You're totally letting the side down! We're supposed to be cooler than mental mid-twenties spinster lady!
Oh yeah, like you're any better! You went on one date through the whole of sixth form! And you freaked out and ended up dumping the guy as soon as you got home!
He kept stroking my hand and commenting on how small and soft it was! Totally freaky!
I know! But you didn't really give the poor boy a chance did you?
I just wanted to watch the Incredibles in peace! Besides, we hate it when people talk during films.
This is true. We never grow out of this. We are also still ridiculously awkward around men we like. Which is another nice side effect of being mental spinster lady-no making a dick of myself around hotties-for there are none to be a dick around!
That doesn't sound terribly promising
Ah, it'll get better. It's just at the moment quite a lot of our male friends are gay.
WE HAVE GAY FRIENDS? THAT'S SO EXCITING!
*SIGH* Ok, so I know you don't know any yet, but that's just a symptom of going to an all girls catholic school. There are LOADS of gay guys in the boys school down the road, you just don't know any of them yet. Besides, you don't have male friends generally yet! When you get to my age, most of your friends are men!
Really? That's cool. Am I a bit of a tomboy?
Hahahahhahahah, No. We still climb trees and stuff, but we love our dresses, heels and cakes. And making homes beautiful. But we get on with guys pretty well. They're funny! And good at teaching us about football (HAH, jokes, we don't care, we just let them ramble on while we think about what to make for dinner or how to learn difficult accents).
Pfft. Fine. Well, I have to go. Kaat and I are going to bunk English and sit by the Camden canal.
Ah memories. Off you trot child. Enjoy not having to wear a bra while you can.
What?!
Nothing. Bye!
And there she goes, off in a whirlwind of sparkly gel pens, mini kilts and posters of Garbage and No Doubt.
And on that note Reader, so shall I!
Ash
x
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