By Aislinn De'Ath

By Aislinn De'Ath
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Saturday, 25 June 2011

Feminine as a feline

Reader, today I went to see a film called 'Bridesmaids'. It was so fantastic. Like The Hangover, only more girl centric. The actresses in it were all in their thirties and forties (which made it a far better film than it would have been with a cast of picture perfect 20 year olds), it was crude, unashamed, naughty and completely hysterical. I would quite happily watch it again today in fact, which I can't say about most films. Me and the mother cackled so hard that at one point we were afraid we'd get kicked out.

One thing that it really made me think about was femininity. The concept of femininity has changed so much over the course of just a few decades that it's unclear what constitutes being feminine any more. In the film, we experienced a group of fantastic characters, who were bawdy, filthy and (for want of a better word) blokey, but I for one could see a lot of parallels between them and my group of friends and I. Like them, we get drunk on really quite atrocious brands of alcohol, swear like troopers and make tasteless jokes about blow jobs. But I would still say that we have our feminine qualities. In fact, I am quite proud of my feminine side and like to indulge it whenever I can. There's definitely an interesting oxymoron there. Whilst I encourage my girly side in all it's forms, I also would be furious should someone tell me that just because I'm a girl I shouldn't be loud, make dirty jokes and knock back Sambuca like a seasoned pro. I don't really mind though. The truth of it is that I am not completely feminine. I think anyone who is entirely must be quite boring, I'm quite sure I've never met any woman or girl who doesn't have at least one unladylike trait.

Maybe then we can make a 'new femininity'. A list of the rules to be feminine but without losing our sense of fun? I suppose it's different for everyone, but here's the beginning to my personal list:

  1. Always wear nice underwear. Matching or at least similar colours. Never buy underwear simply because it's convenient and comfy (this of course is excepting nude undies and spanx), always think that someone may see them soon.
  2. Wear beautiful perfume. Never pay less than £30 for it, cheap perfume goes funny very quickly. (I earn practically nothing and live by this, good perfume lasts at least a year so there's no excuse)
  3. Read fantastic books. Femininity shouldn't mean bimboism. Some of the most feminine but striking and memorable women I have ever met have been huge fans of Tolstoy, Dickens and Joyce. 
  4. Have at least one perfect red lipstick. It should be matte, not shiny and without glitter. It may not be used every day but the option should always be there.
  5. Have at least one heroine to compare yourself to. Never tell anyone who that is, it's yours for personal reference. Do not copy this heroine, be uniquely yourself, but in times of trouble, embrace a little of their spirit, because a little spirit goes a long way.
  6. Know how to do DIY. Never rely on a man to hang a picture for you. Unless you have no arms.
  7. Swear, but do it with class, not every other word. By all means, say the C word if you want, but make it count when you do. 
  8. Never allow a man (or indeed another woman) to strike you in anger. Play fighting and abuse are different. A truly brave woman is a woman who knows when to walk away.
  9. Sex is not currency. It is a wonderful experience that should be enjoyed by both parties and should never be given if not meant. Have as much of it as you like but be discrete, safe and as soon as it stops being fun, stop doing it.
  10. Although #8 is so so true-very rarely in life there comes a time when one truly sensational slap is needed. If someone gropes you, mistreats you in a heinous fashion or reduces one of your nearest and dearest to tears, a single slap may be in order. BE WARNED. This is rarely the case and should not be handed out willy nilly. Violence is not attractive. I have only ever had this twice in my life. Both were very dramatic moments. After a slap, simply turn and walk away. Don't turn it into a punch up.
  11. Know when to say sorry. Especially if you've done number 10 when it wasn't deserved.
  12. Support your friends at all times, even when they're acting in a ridiculous manner (support whilst giving great advice in that instance)
  13. Spend as much time with people you love as possible.
  14. Have at least one great dinner party recipe up your sleeve that you can make in less than an hour. This has been known to win people jobs, entice proposals and in my case, earn money.
  15. Be a great listener. You'll gain huge amounts of knowledge and when the time comes, the people you listen to will listen to you.
  16. Know what your beliefs are and be able to defend other peoples against bigotry.
  17. Take advice from glamorous older women, they are wise and know all the best secrets.
  18. Dry shampoo is a short term solution. Not a way of life.
  19. Say thank you with grace. Say fuck you with conviction.
  20. Never wear trainers with a suit. Even if it's really comfy. Just don't.
I could go on forever. I'm sure not everyone will agree with the list, but then to be honest, everyone should have their own individual ones! Men included. I would love to hear some of your own lists, men can do the 'new masculinity' ones if they like! I know my father's would include having a record collection and a great supply of black socks...

That's all for now Reader, 

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