Reader, I am currently languishing on the sofa watching 'Bridezillas' and flicking through Style with a bowl of ice cream. I have just had quite a vast chunk of skin cut out of my tongue, so I sound like a deaf woman (with none of the lip-reading skills) which proved to make a director who called to offer me a re-call think I'm a nutter. I had to explain that I wasn't doing a silly voice out of lack of interest in the role but had only just come round from my general anaesthetic and still had a really numb tongue. I think I might have mentioned in an earlier blog that the op is to help get rid of my slight lisp, which is ironic because right now I sound like someone with a cleft pallet. (If my voice teacher read that, she'd kill me. There is a huge difference between sounding like a deaf person and sounding like a person with a cleft pallet, but I can't tell which I sound like. Sorry lovely voice teacher! I'll learn someday!) Now the phone is ringing, I am studiously ignoring it. My tongue is frozen. I refuse on principle to speak to anyone. The anaesthetist seemed a bit sad to be putting me under, he told me he thought my lisp was cute, which was nice to hear. Too bad dude, it's GAWN. Well. I won't actually know if it's gone for a while. And I'll have to give it a bit of a work out. Tongue aerobics and all that. What wasn't so nice was that he then started telling me about the domino pizza lunch he was going to have, along with all the other hospital staff. It was 1 by that point and I hadn't even been allowed a sip of water, so my tummy growled at him somewhat loudly and angrily. I had to pet it like a small but nonetheless vicious dog in case it decided to leap out my throat and strangle him.
Luckily now I have Ben and Jerry's Caramel Chew Chew which really makes me quite a bit calmer. And lucozade, which I think is probably better than antibiotics. Speaking of Junk food; has anyone seen that awful malteasers advert? It's a disgrace. All about people wasting precious chocolate by putting it in rockets and paper aeroplanes and stuff. Instead of doing all that, they should just post them to me. Obviously.
In others news, you may have noticed earlier I casually mentioned I got a re-call. Nothing casual about it reader, quite clearly. My first audition out of drama school and I got a re-call! I am feeling pretty damn proud. I know it's not much, a second audition for an unpaid film, but I love good news. And I feel a little bolstered knowing that I've had one success, no matter how little. It gives me a bit of much needed confidence, onward!
Just noticed I have blood in the corners of my mouth. That's attractive. I look like a child vampire, not even the sexy kind of vampire, a little chubby 8 year old one that's had a bit too much blood ice cream. Ick. MORE LUCOZADE! I want to be an orange vampire. Nom. What's really upsetting is that I have perfectly good mashed potato in the house and I'm not allowed hot food. To which I say only this. KHAAAAN!
God, these Bridezillas are mental. One is going ape-poop at a friend who can't make the wedding because a beloved aunt had died and the funeral fell on the same day and saying 'she shouldn't be stressing me out, I can't believe she would be so selfish!' Utter nutter-butters. However, all of the ad breaks have adverts with kittens, which gives pleasing amounts of adoreableness. Gyaw. Not that I'm getting any more pets. Apart from maybe a pygmy hedgehog. I looked at getting a slow loris but apparently that's a bit cruel. Whatevs. It's my birthday on Friday, am not expecting an exotic pet for it but part of me kind of want to open a box to find a baby sloth inside. Mum wants 3 teacup pigs called pinky, perky and porky. Am hoping she gives in to the urge soon, I'd love some baby piggies to play with!
On that vapid note,
Bye bye baby, bye bye bye!