By Aislinn De'Ath

By Aislinn De'Ath
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Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Oh what a lovely bunch of coconuts...

I'm back Reader!

I'm the size of a small sea cow and I have more freckles than you could shake a stick at but I'm back gosh-darn it and that is a wonder in itself, given that I left behind a Brighton so full of sunshine and wonder that me and The Lad had very little desire to return. Oh Reader, it was a lovely mini-break. We paddled in the sea, we had Salty Sea Side Chips (they have to be written in capitals because that's how they're said), we walked so far our little leggies nearly fell off, we played on the pier, we went to Prof. Mirza (a lovely old Indian psychic set into the sea front who is so scarily accurate that I would suggest even the most hard hearted sceptics give him a run for his money), we ate so much in Choccywoccydoodah that we sweated chocolate, we watched Scream4 (awesome by the way) and we traipsed around The Lanes, stopping only for booze and more food. We were very much love's young dream (despite me getting us hopelessly lost late at night a few times, and him getting sulky because he wanted a freshly squeezed fruit juice) and then he got me a handbag.

Reader, I have never owned a new, pricey handbag before (that wasn't from a discount shop like TK Maxxamillion or Primarni). And this is a wonderful, very grown up handbag. It makes me feel like Keira Knightly in that Chanel ad, all cheeky and cute, but able to transform into a smouldering sex bitch at any moment. It's from a brand called Ollie and Nic, which I love love love. I've had a couple of their girlier handbags before (hand-me-downs from a very fashion concious friend's mother), but this is truly a woman's handbag. It's leather, cream and brown with bronze fastenings, and two different kind of strap. It even smells great (note to self, don't let businessmen catch you sniffing your bag on the train again, even if it is that nice).

The problem is Reader, that The Lad needs a lovely pressie in return. And I don't know how to top the most gorgeous bag I have ever owned. I genuinely don't. I kept trying to buy him stuff in Brighton but he didn't want any of it! I even found out where to get him an army hat he's wanted for ages but he's come over all apathetic about it! It's impossible! If anyone has any suggestions, I would be much obliged! I might get him shoes with wings. That aught to do it. (Aught?)

Anyway, back to the holiday, so yeah, we had a grand old time. The only downside was the hotel. The room was fine, clean, nice bath etc. But it had no internet or dvd player. That's cool though, it's an old hotel. We're not fussy about all that, especially considering we had a sea view. But the service was AWFUL (it was a bit like by being guests at the hotel, we were interrupting the staffs' very busy lives and being terribly rude about it too), the food was abysmal (to the extent that at dinner, we looked at our plates and decided to leave and go somewhere else within seconds even though the hotel dinner was included in the price) and it was rammed full of old people who hogged the lift to go down one flight of stairs even though we were on the 4th floor with heavy luggage. And there was one old french dude who stank the lift out. However, they probably thought we were a bit mad. I somehow kept getting caught coming out of the lift saying odd things. Once I was singing a Sarah Silverman song, 'it was brown and it had raisins and we flushed it for these reasons' and the doors opened on two surprised looking old biddies. Sorry Biddies.

But we quite enjoyed the Faulty Towers nature of the hotel, it made it all terribly amusing. Plus, they had fried bread at breakfast, so they won us over on that, plus the jacuzzi switch in the frankly giant-mungus bath.

Well dears, I am tired from all my travels, so I shall leave it there for today

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