Reader, my fortunes this week are somewhat mixed.
I just got my first official part since the screening, a very cleverly written short about an encounter between a man and a woman and the strange ties that link them (by which I don't mean men's suit sort of ties, I mean ties as in things that they have in common, but I was being fancy. You probably understood this but I thought I'd make sure that you didn't think we just both shopped in the boy's department at Next...). So that's awesome. It means another nice part to go on my showreel, huzzah! And working with people that left Drama Centre last year, double huzzah! And it's a lovely character, triple huzzah! Now comes the scary bit...
I have to do a sex scene.
Now, I understand that you might be going 'But you're an actress, surely you saw this coming?' Well, obvo. Also, anyone who went to uni with me knows of my somewhat notorious part in the play 'The Censor' (there was sex, poo and boobs...need you know more?) And yes, I'm aware of all the technicalities like, it's a fully dressed scene. I won't be naked and nor will I have to see my co-actor's....erm....bits. But it's still fairly terrifying as things go. Here is a list of all the scary things about it.
a) I haven't kissed anyone apart from my boyfriend in a very long time. Three years to be exact. With the exception of two girls, both of whom were for acting based stuff. Kissing another boy is a scary thought and I'm not sure I'll cope particularly well, however, I shall have to get used to it, since this is a prospect that will most likely arise time and time again as an actress. In other words, grow some tupping balls Ash!!!
b) What if the boyfriend gets horribly jealous? I mean, he's not normally a jealous person, I'm the jealous one in our relationship. Not that I'm Fatal Attraction levels, but when to the extent that I struggle to stop giving girls I know he's had snogs with the evil eye. What if he develops an awful jealousy and won't go out with me any more? (n.b. this is unlikely as he is lovely and has many actor friends, so will hopefully understand that it's part of my job and not a sign of me being a hussy but the fear is still there).
c) What if I've forgotten how stage kiss? Which leads to the thought, what if I look awful when I'm kissing, like a trout having a seizure or something? I mean, at least on stage I never had to see myself kissing so I wouldn't know, but film is sort of permanent. A video might get put on youtube of my terrible kissing and I'll be barred from auditioning from films with romance for the rest of my days!
d) Although the scene is fully clothed, you'll see flashes of thigh etc...what if my thighs are so unnaturally cellulitey that I have to be cut from the film?
e) I am massively immature. I might start giggling and not be able to stop.
In other words, AAAARGRGRGHHHH!
The worst part is that my boyfriend is currently off doing training in Basingstoke so he can't comfort and calm me. And he's there for the whole week, so he'll miss my first day of shooting! Bum water. Anyone got any words of wisdom?
We'll, I'm off to practice my orgasm face in the mirror.