Thoughts thunk whilst packing...

Dear Reader, I am moving. And this means I have spent a LOT of time this week packing up all my belongings and eating bacon with my fingers out of despair. Here are some things that have crossed my fevered mind in this time



THOUGHTS THUNK WHILST PACKING

• I could just throw all my stuff away right? I mean, it's just STUFF. I don't need it-I could start a zen new life of not actually owning anything!
• WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY FAIRY LIGHTS
• How many forks do I actually need for the next week?
• I haven't read this book!
• I forgot I had this book!
• Jesus, why do I have THAT book??
• I have too many books.
• What the fuck is that?
• IS IT MOVING?
• I think I may have packed myself into a corner...
• But WHY can't I take my bed with me? I love it so!
• I need a motivational soundtrack
• SOMEONE BRING ME BOOZE
• Maybe if I just lay down for five minutes...
• SHIT, have run out of plastic bags to wrap things with!
• Batman mask-storage or new bedroom? New bedroom. Obviously.
• I have so many half finished moisturisers
• Maybe I should combine them into one super moisturiser!
• No. Now is not the time for inventions. 
• Oh shit. What clothes do I need...
• Do I need clothes? Can I not just have a naked week?
• I feel Vicki may not be too delighted to have a naked housemate, even just for a week.
• WHAT IS LIFE EVEN?
• Stay cool De'Ath, stay cool.
• No but seriously, I'm going to throw away all of this stuff
• All I will keep is a white kaftan and some sandals, I'll be like a little ginger buddah
• I need to buy a white kaftan
• Although it does get a bit cold in the winter, so a jumper too
• And boots, for when it rains
• And...oh bugger it, I'll just bring it all 
• Is that a fake eyelash? 
• NO IT'S A FUCKING SPIDER OH MY FUCK KILL IT KILL IT
• Oh, no wait...just a broken make up brush
• I have so much hoovering to do
• I hate hoovering
• I THOUGHT I HAD PACKED ALL MY STUFF HOW IS THERE STILL MORE STUFF

And then somehow, after a day of packing crates into a van, moving a kingsize mattress on my own and using powertools-I managed to trap my finger in a car door. So I am now cleaning my empty flat with a bruised and bleeding pointer. This is what you call skilfully clumsy.

Well Reader, I'm off to try and rid my flat of the spider squatters who have decided to take over our contact before we've even left!

Ash

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Oh the things I could do...

Reader, I am in a bit of a pickle. When my rent comes out this month, I will be back in the overdraft that I fought so hard to get out of when I left education, and because my income is so low, I have no idea how I'm going to lever myself out of it this time. The thing is, this month has been unexpectedly expensive for me. Spotlight is due to be repaid (that time of year when all actors panic about the £200 they don't have and don't know where to find), our sky bill has just gone up because we're out of the introductory phase, our water bill came out and I've had to pay to get my showreel fixed up, which ended up costing me £80. On top of council tax bills, electricity and gas, rent, and the fact that the early part of the year is when all my family have birthdays.

I hate panicking about money. It makes me feel constantly stressed and a bit sick to my stomach. And as an actor, the annoying thing is you know you're only ever as far as getting a tv ad away from all your money problems being solved.

I'm trying to find ways to boost my income ASAP without resorting to mugging or sending emails pretending to be a Nigerian prince, but finding something that will boost my income without taking away time from the stuff that normally earns me money is quite difficult. At the moment am just working all the hours I can for my Mum's business so that at the end of the month my paycheck is bigger than usual, and applying for writing jobs on top of the usual acting jobs that I could do at night.

The thing that keeps weighing on my mind is the overdraft. Because now I'm not a student, the bank will charge me two pounds a day to be in it. Which doesn't seem like much, but might be just enough to keep me further and further into it each month.

The thing is, there are things I can do. I just went to EE and got a much cheaper contract on my phone, which will save me around £20 a month. My housemate and I need to sit down and work out how we can get a cheaper deal on our tv/internet and I need to be careful about eating out less (which means investing in more protein bars to carry around with me on days I have auditions and meetings and having more dates at home). I quit smoking a few months ago, so at least I don't have to feel guilty about that anymore and I don't really spend money on booze. I got some underwear the other day in Primark (which I'm now feeling guilty about spending much needed money on) but I'd just had to throw a few sets out.

The thing is, Reader, it's not too far in the future till August. Which is scary, because in August me and the curly one find out if we can stay in our beloved Bag End or have to move. And if we have to move, that is an incredibly expensive process, with lots of fees and hiring of vans and deposits. And because of the housing market, rent has gone up, so we will have to either find somewhere much smaller, in a worse area, in a house with lots of strangers or move back to our parents. And none of those situations are ideal.

So dear gods of the acting world and fate and purse strings-please land me a really incredibly paying job today. One of those ones that takes a day to film and keeps your bank manager happy for a year. Or let me magically find £600 (the magical figure that would instantly solve this month's problems) in a gift wrapped box on the end of my bed.

Till then, I'll keep plugging away, eating the contents of strange tins at the back of my cupboards and not buying anything at all while I work as much as humanly possible without going completely insane. And I'll do it all with a smile. No more whingey blog entries from me Reader, just had to get this one out of my system! The next one will be funnier and full of gifs. Promise!

Tarrah loves,
Ash
x

Lessons in home sharing

So Reader, as you will have read in my last entry, I recently moved in with one of my best friends. It's a brilliant thing to do, I would highly recommend it to anything. And I feel like I have learned a lot from it. Here are some of the things that have come from the educational process of flat-sharing.

1. There need to be rules

We have had to institute a list of rules. No, not normal things like 'We will wash our own dishes and pay our bills on time', more things like 'We will always stop each other sending ill advised texts to ill advised people after an ill advised number of drinks' and 'Ash is not allowed to do the washing up after 9pm' (because for some reason my washing up skills go to pot after a certain point in the evening) and 'Vicki is not allowed to talk before she has coffee in the mornings'. They are important rules. Necessary rules. Rules carved in stone.

2. The Wall of I Would is very essential

The Wall of I Would is an important part of everyone's life. For couples, it's called 'the allowed list' (where if they met certain celebs they would be allowed to cheat), for roomies it's about working out who gets who. Ours goes on for two long pages and we have had a number of disagreements (Vicki shotgunned Rupert Grint, which devastated me. We would have had beautiful ginger babies!) and also lots of laughs at the others expense. Both of our lists include: films stars, musicians, people we have fancied in the real world but whom we have never got with (in my case purely through making an utter tit of myself at various parties), comedians, dead people (I mean come the shag on, Jimmy Stewart?!?!),  gay people, Ugly Sexies (Depardieu anyone?) and people that don't actually exist (Eric from The Little Mermaid is MINE BITCHES). It's a bonding experience.

3. Catch ups become an everyday experience

Being apart for a day constitutes an hour long discussion on everything that happened and exactly how we felt about it

4. Different chores for different people

Vicki is brilliant at washing up. I am not. I love cooking and baking all the time. Vicki is more than happy to indulge my Delia habit. Vicki excells at making her bed. My bed usually looks like there is someone sleeping in it due to the amount of junk on the left side. I am obsessive about making the sofa symmetrical. Vicki sees the ruffled blanket and sits on it anyway. Vicki remembers to buy loo roll and diet coke. I remember to buy baking ingredients and pesto. Essentially, between the two of us, we cover all areas.

5. We are not grown up yet

We are still working things out. For example, why does dust exclusively live in bathrooms? And did you know that boilers need to be put on gradually instead of on full heat right away or they might die? And How comes you can only pay council tax annually? And why is life so expensive when we earn so little? And where are all the men who have grown up jobs and lives? 

6. Watching Friends never gets old

I suppose that one is quite obvious. 

7. You always have dating advice on hand

Now that I'm single again, I'm having to navigate the confusing and scary world of dating for the first time since I was roughly 17 and it's all a bit different now. Luckily, when I lose my head, I run to my roomie and she gives me feedback, informative books and outfit advice. And tells me to shut the hell up when I'm being ridiculous. And gives me hugs when I watch a very specific episode of Friends that reminds me of sad times. She is genuinely like a life coach. It's a bit brilliant.

Anyway reader, I have a busy old day tomorrow and have been on set all day today, but here is to living with one of your best friends, and all the brilliance that it entails! 

Ash 

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