Step two-remember that it's your friend's birthday and you decided to bake as a gift, but you don't have any ingredients in the house
Step three-frantically get ready to dash down to Asda-overdress a bit (which is what inevitably happens when I rush to get ready)
Step four-buy too much chocolate because you can't remember what the actual measures are. Also buy some peanut M&Ms and Peanut Butter Cups because they were on sale and it would have been a crime not to.
Step five-set up array of ingredients. Be smug about your vintage mixing bowl.
Step seven-200g sugar (half brown, half white)
Step eight-cream together, also coating everything nearby in the mix. Get annoyed because you can't hear your tv show over the blender
Step nine-chuck in an egg and a splash of vanilla extract. Spill a bit on your hand. Lick it off. Regret licking it off. Make cat-licking-a-lemon faces
Step ten-get distracted by an uplifting video about old ladies (you can watch it here: http://mostamazingviews.com/two-ladies-never-plane-reactions-first-flight-hilarious/)
Step eleven- realise that you still need another egg, since you misread the instructions. Bollocks.
Step twelve-chuck in 230g plain flour. Decide that since it's wheat free flour, that makes this a very healthy recipe.
Step thirteen-add pinch of salt from adorable Christmas themed shaker, despite it being practically summer and mid-muggiest day ever rather than December
Step fourteen-a teaspoon each Bicarb of Soda and Baking Powder. Think about doing that teeth whitening thing you read about on Pinterest. Decide not to bother as it sounds gross and you can't remember whether it was bicarb soda or baking powder that you're supposed to use.
Step fifteen-60g of coco powder. Wonder how you make coco powder. Spend 2 minutes imagining a desert of coco powder instead of sand, with mirages of liquid chocolate fountains.
Step sixteen-mix motha fudger, MIX
Step seventeen-Resist urge to eat batter
Step eighteen-Chop up more chocolate than entirely necessary. (450g in this case....mmmm...)
Step nineteen-Get bored chopping. Wonder why you didn't just buy bags of chocolate chips. Remember that bars are far cheaper and you are an impoverished actress. Resume chopping but now also dream of winning the lottery.
Step twenty-Have a 50's housewife moment as you stir in your chocolate mountain
Step twenty one-Shape into small balls and place on greaseproof paper covered baking tray. Sing 'Salty chocolate balls' under your breath and snigger. Because you have the sense of humour of a 12 year old boy.
Step twenty two-Realise that you forgot to preheat the oven. Swear more.
Step twenty three-Set oven at 190 degrees. Go have a drink while the oven heats up.
Step twenty four- Put the cookies in and go do some work while they bake (apron optional)
Step twenty five- After aprox 15 mins, retrieve first heartachingly perfect tray of cookies from oven
Step twenty six-Go to line the next tray and realise you're out of greaseproof paper. Swear.
Step twenty seven-Grease tray with 1cal spray and hope for the best
Step twenty eight-Wonder if you have potentially made too many giant cookies. Eat 3 just to even things out a bit
Right reader, I am going to go and collapse in a chocolatey mess. Have a great day, and bake well!
P.s. Don't forget to go check out my most recent vlog! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvFj_mZCqfY