So Reader, I had planned to film a vlog today, but since I've been struck down by a pretty rancid coughing and vomiting bug (on my birthday week as well!) I've instead decided to write a blog post. Because I currently look like the girl from The Ring and no one needs to see that on a Sunday.
THINGS THUNK FROM A SICKBED
- Will this ever end? No. This is eternal. I will be some coughing spewing demon for as long as I live.
- I'm going to get so thin. I might even be able to pull off crop tops after this!
- Hah, who am I kidding, Bette Davis wouldn't wear a crop top so there's no way I will
- I may never eat or drink anything again (apart from water and day nurse). I don't even miss food right now.
- (Post Lucozade and crisps) I FEEL ON TOP OF THE WORLD
- (Half an hour later) Oh...no. No, that wasn't a forever feeling. Back to being a swamp creature.
- I'm bored of sleeping. Is that even possible?
- I wish my Partner In Crime was here. He could stroke my hair and watch Adventuretime with me!
- Actually, I'm really glad he's not here. I can't do conversation right now and I look like something you'd find in unexplored parts of the ocean. Sexy.
- I should tidy my room when I feel a bit better
- Maybe I should throw away everything I own...my life would be so much less cluttered
- But that would include my fifties dresses and books...no. Not happening.
- I can't even remember what it feels like to not be ill.
- I wonder what everyone else is doing today? Probably stuff that is more fun than hugging a bucket and planning deathbed speeches
- I haven't been sick for hours. Maybe I'm better now! Maybe all my symptoms are psychological!
- Wait, am I a hypochondriac?
- Nah, I dislike being ill too much.
- That coughing fit was harsh. Maybe I have consumption like Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge.
- Oohhh Moulin Rouge. Is that on Netflix?
- Seriously, do I have to have another day in bed tomorrow? Days in bed are only good if you've chosen to have them. Not if you are FORCED to be in bed. I want to vlog!
- I'm all alone....ain't no one here beside me....
- Ooh, a Buzzfeed post on Labour and Delivery stories!
- I AM NEVER GIVING BIRTH.
- There are no books I fancy reading, no films I want to watch and my arse of a phone has just reset Candy Crush. There is no hope for me. Pass the night nurse.