By Aislinn De'Ath

By Aislinn De'Ath
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Thursday, 17 May 2012

Fifty shades of flipperty-jibberts...

Ok Reader, so I read the book that's had the literary world in a bit of a flap of late. The book that's being hailed as the new big thing in the world of erotic literature. The one with spanking....

The thing is, Fifty Shades of Grey was a bit of a surprise. A friend's mother gave it to me, describing it simply as 'acceptable porn'. Now, this could have covered a multitude of areas. It could have been about cake or really good food given my love of cooking/eating. It could have been a bit Madame Bovary, all sexy but subtle. It could even have been like one of the Agent P. Short erotica stories. But it wasnt't. Reader, Fifty Shades of Grey is essentially Twilight with less vampires and more S & M dungeons.  A ridiculously good looking millionaire with commitment issues decides that a somewhat ordinary twenty something who interviews him for her uni rag needs to be his submissive (if you don't know what that is, look it up: explaining the ins and outs-Haha-of sado masachism isn't my job dear) and begins pursuing her with all guns blazing.




... still with me? Good. So, she's also a virgin. Not just a virgin, a virgin with pretty much no interest in getting spanked/whipped/having things done to her bum/being clamped in awkward places. And yet still she's like 'ok, let's give this a go!'


So she's saved herself for 21 odd years, just to give it up to the first S&M sex god to turn up, even though she's not that fussed about all that malarkey. Suddenly she starts referring to being f****d. After doing the dirty roughly once. With someone she barely knows. Fair enough. But then why bother saving herself for all those years?

Also, she sort of falls at the first hurdle. He spanks her and she nearly has a fit about how awful it is. Dude. Seriously. What did she imagine might happen? Then whenever he suggests anything new she gets all scared and prissy about it. Surely she knew this sort of thing may be par for the course with a S&M enthusiast? And she's supposed to be intelligent...

The other thing that annoys me a bit is that the novel really panders to a 'chick lit' readership-it's not enough that they have great sex, they also have to be in a relationship and her parents have to like him. Ooh, and he has to be really rich and gorgeous. Right. Realism. The novel (?!?) needs to make up it's mind. Is it erotica? Is it chick lit? Is it literary fiction about sex? At the moment it seems to be a mish mash of all of the above. If you liked Twilight you might enjoy it but to be honest I found all the characters turgid, one dimensional and generally intensely irritating.


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