Reader, this is my hundredth blog entry! Can you believe it? No, me neither. Mostly I'm amazed I've been able to come up with so much to write about. And that the vast majority of it has either been about cake or me being, let's face it, a bit of an eejit really. To be entirely honest, I'd sort of forgotten that this was going to be number 100 so didn't plan anything. So, here are 100 things that have happened since I started writing this blog. Well, that's one way to mark it right?
1. I got the part of Estella in a national tour of Great Expectations
2. I puked in a tin bucket outside a medieval church hall. In front of the guy who plays Pip. Yeah, real attractive Estella. He has to pretend to fancy me. Poor sod.
3. I lost over a stone in weight. Which makes me feel smug. But also, terrified that I'll put it all back on again. Which still does not stop me wolfing down chips (mmmmm, chips).
4. I developed a huge girl crush on Tina Fey
5. The Lad moved in with me
6. I graduated from drama school, and therefore now have two of the most useless degrees in the world (English lit and Acting for screen. I mean, seriously, I'm going to have to be an actress, cause who would really employ that in a real walk of life?)
7. I became a Godmother. I am almost certain that I'm doing quite well at being a Godmother, because I have so far introduced my godson to both double choc-chip cookies and Darth Vader costumes for toddlers. And I got him a copy of Dark Crystal (everyone keeps telling me he's too young to watch it, I reply that it never did me any harm, then dash away doing a Skeksis impression.)
8. I dressed up as Amy Pond for a convention. Stop laughing. It was a great costume. Even if my legs did look slightly more like muttony sausages than Karen Gillan's, but to be fair, she was a bloody model before she did Dr. Who! I am not one of those.
9. I turned 23. I am now turning 24 in two weeks (Oh god).
10. I've seen 8 of my friends get engaged. Yes, 8. No, not to each other. 8 sets of couples. I know. Disgusting, isn't it? SLOW DOWN EVERYONE! I DON'T HAVE A BIG ENOUGH WEDDING OUTFIT BUDGET YET!
11. I paid off my overdraft. Mainly by putting my life savings into that account (goodbye dreams of invisalign braces, I will miss you)
12. Went to Ireland. Weather was a bit soft, introduced The Lad to my town, Beaufort, where there are lots of tea shops and pubs.
13. Saw my brother off to uni. Cried, quite unexpectedly.
14. Went to Brighton with The Lad, where we ate such vast amounts we came back with pot bellies that stuck out from under our tees.
15. Spent Christmas with The Lad for the first time ever. Got him so many pressies they wouldn't all fit in one bag. Introduced him to my families way of eating (i.e. eat everything. Then ask for more.)
16. Went to Yorkshire for NYE, was the only one still awake at 12. Got really really ill with the flu, and spent the coach journey home alone, hallucinating.
17. How am I only on 17? I feel like I've been typing FOREVER! Erm, ok, did a lot of babysitting I guess?
18. Got a voice agent
19. Recorded a whole bunch of radio ads. Including the Ereceptionist ad that plays on Absolute London, and drives my friend who works there utterly mad every morning...
20. Was in two music videos. One with lots of Beyonce' style booty shaking (surprisingly hard for a middle class white girl with a pretty flat bum), one with lots of fake blood and gore.
21. Got new glasses. Had to get them from men's department as none of the women's ones suited my large manly face.
22. Did a photoshoot dressed as a female Frankenstein's monster, in a full head prosthetic
23. Discovered I'm not very good at having my face covered in plaster cast, and having to breathe through tiny holes under nose as have panic attacks.
24. Discovered I'm really bloody stubborn and will ignore panic attacks to get the job finished, even if it means nearly breaking a poor make up artists hand whilst trying to regulate breathing through tiny holes under nose.
25. Did my first ever filmed sex scene.
26. Broke my first bed during a sex scene.
27. Discovered that it's highly embarrassing to see yourself faking sex on screen while surrounded by an audience of people you don't know.
28. Worked in a charity call centre.
29. Got fired from a charity call centre.
30. Worked in a call centre selling posh wine.
31. Discover that am quite good at selling posh wine, despite not drinking it. Get made team leader. Overdose my team on Christmas cheer. Threaten to come in dressed as Santa if they start to flag.
32. Get moved on to selling organic veg (not because of harassing team with Christmas cheer. Well, at least I don't think so)
33. Had an operation on my tongue. Sounded like a person with a cleft palate for a week, survived on lucozade and Ben and Jerries Chunky Monkey.
34. Moved to Norwich (from where I am currently writing, is lovely, but I miss The Lad and shops being open on Sundays)
35. Received my end of Drama School report. Ignored it as it was less than useless and didn't have feedback from any of the teachers or directors that I wanted to hear from. Decided to reply on feedback in person from teachers and directors, which was much more useful and less about my 'writing and evaluation' skills (??!!?? I did an ACTING DEGREE!?! WHERE ON THE REPORT DOES IT TALK ABOUT MY ACTING?!)
36. Made a showreel. Edited it. A lot.
37. Saved some money. Spent a lot of it.
38. Sold nearly all my mum's clothes. Made some profit.
39. Someone tried to steal a grand from me. Paypal made them pay (bitch).
40. Contemplated becoming a hooker. Decided against it when someone told me I'd have to do weird things like lick sweaty-man-toes. Not convinced that's the best reason for not doing it, but it's the best reason for me.
41. Got a really cool mentor, saw her in a play. She called me an incredibly talented young woman after seeing my final film and music video. I went beetroot red and stammered a lot about good editing.
42. The Tories came into power (I cried. Actually cried.)
43. The riots happened, round the corner from me. My 18 year old brother tried to go 'calm things down'. My mother locked him in his room. Quite right.
44. Had my first ever major health scare. Was fine. Big relief. Decided if I ever actually have anything seriously wrong with me, will go private after god-awful experience with NHS nurses and hospitals.
45. Went to my first ever wedding fair. There was a lot less cake than I was expecting.
46. Worked outside, flyering in December. Was colder than I've ever been in my entire life. Experienced what I can only assume was the early stages of frost bite.
47. Lost some wonderful people.
48. Made some truly excellent friends.
49. Found out that actors who work at callcentres have a cracking sense of humour and a very high tolerance to booze.
50. Turned the cake blog into a vlog (one on it's way now!)
51. Seriously, am I only halfway through? Jesus, Mary and Joseph...
52. Technically didn't get rejected from any agencies. Technically didn't get into any agencies either, but that's neither here nor there. Note to self. Apply to more agencies.
53. Learnt how to bake some damn fine cakes.
54. Wrote some pretty cool kids' stories
55. Went to a Cold War Kids concert. Was pretty sure the lead singer was making eyes at me. The Lad insists that actually it was him the lead singer was making eyes at.
56. Went to my cousin's band's concert in Camden. Was shoved to the back of the venue by their MASSES OF FANS! Was very proud, they're called We are the Ocean and are very good in a cool sort of a way. If you like cool sort of things
57. Went to Winter Wonderland. Again. Got sprayed in the face on the crappest ghost train ever made.
58. Saw some films. Woman in Black. Harry Potter. Twilight. You know, the highbrow stuff.
59. Learnt how to make aubergine bake.
60. Ate a hell of a lot of aubergine bake.
61. Visited wig-maker friend in middle of countryside whilst she was briefly home from international tour of Batman Live. Ate an enormous pizza. Watched Home Alone two. It was awesome.
62. Went to lots of dinner parties.
63. William and Kate got married. I went to the V&A museum and ate really bad wedding cake, then watched my friend and her fabulous mum take part in a royal fashion show
64. Met my baby cousin Mabel. Learnt how to stop her from crying. Was proud until I realised this meant carrying a baby around for hours and hours, jigging and humming.
65. Decided to put off having children for a fair while.
66. Panicked that I was pregnant.
67. Wasn't pregnant.
68. Briefly discovered religion again, then lost it.
69. Dressed as Uma in Pulp Fiction. With a wig.
70. Dressed as a zombie magician.
71. Dressed as a witch.
72. Met Santa whilst filming an advert. Found out he really likes Doctor Who. Sat on his lap for first time since was 7.
73. Went to Wales for first time! Discovered that rumours about it raining very heavily in rain are based on the truth.
74. Found a potato in a shoe that had baby potatoes growing from it. Was left over from a game me and Dad started where you hide potatoes in other peoples things. It began with me hiding a pile of them under his bed sheets with a note attached saying 'from the pratie fairy'. May start that game up again fairly soon, was very amusing.
75. Played a divorcee for an advert. Wondered if I wasn't perhaps just slightly young to be divorced.
76. Went to a Pokemon Tournament. Saw The Lad reach the top 32 in Europe. Refused to go again after someone threw a pokeball at my head in some weird come-on. I don't care if you 'choose me' I'm not getting in your van with you...
77. Saw my 7 year old cousin triumph as The Grandmother in Little Red Riding hood in Broxbourne. A star is born. Frankly, that Dakota Fanning had better watch her back, my little Daisy is much cuter.
78. Twisted my ankle whilst spinning a festive wheel of fortune. No, I don't know how it happened either.
79. Got offered a feature film. With explicit nudity. And no lines. Turned it down.
80. Was on Downton Abbey. For a fifth of a second.
81. I am running out of things to write given it's only been about a year I've been writing this....erm.....Got some jewellery. An antique locket and a Tatty Devine swallow pendant. The latter from The Lad, the former from myself.
82. Saw myself on screen in a cinema
83. Held a pig's eyeball for a film.
84. Held a tiny baby chick that fell asleep in my hand
85. Bottle fed an ENORMOUS KILLER LAMB that tried to escape the farm and take me with it
86. Despite all attempts to the contrary, got addicted to an awful lot of trash tv, including My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, Made in Chelsea and TOWIE. I am ashamed.
87. Made my own recipe book.
88. Experimented, and got addicted to food glitter. Discovered that not everyone likes glittery beans on toast.
89. Went to a Labyrinth themed masked ball and screening dressed as David Bowie. Complete with stuffed crotch.
90. Got my first fillings. Had to have The Lad there to hold my hand.
91. Did a Swedish accent in an audition. Incredibly, didn't get the part. Hmmm, it did sound vaguely Indian actually...
92. Went to Eastbourne and drank my weight in Pimms.
93. Saw my mum launch her own business and do brilliantly well (we never expected anything different)
94. Started trying to learn to juggle with three balls (that was today actually, thanks to my brilliant stage manager, who's patiently teaching me)
95. Considered moving to a very small town on the outskirts of California, just because my favourite video blogger lives there. Realised that would be sort of stalking. Still thought about it for a surprisingly long time.
96. Got in an epic food fight.
97. Was disparaging about Lana Del Rey. Then secretly added her to my ipod and now listen to her every day.
98. Was won a stuffed toy at a funfair for the first time EVER. His name is Gunther, he is a Christmas penguin in jesus sandals and he shares my bed while I'm away from The Lad.
99. Tried to stage a secret revolt against Skyrim with other Skyrim widows. Failed miserably when we all stopped talking to our boyfriends and they lost all sense of time and started starving. (n.b. this may be a slight exaggeration, but only slightly. At one stage, I asked The Lad when he'd last eaten and he thought about it and couldn't remember. Had to make him a BLT, stat. Given that he's a slender sort of a lad anyway, missing a meal could make him waste away!)
100. WROTE 100 MUTHA FUDGING BLOG ENTRIES BEEEATCH!
Look, I'm sure I've done more than 100 things in the past year. But I haven't planned this at all well. Also, some things I can't tell you about. Because of secrecy and certain signed documents!
But there will be a lot more. Next attempt-500 blog entries!
Bye for now chaps!