Waitin' and wishin' and hopin' and dreamin'

Reader, one of the worst bits about being an actor is waiting to hear back from auditions you really, really want. It's an entirely aggravating process, through which you constantly think you hear your phone going off (it didn't), you get nervous if you're five minutes away from your emails and whenever anyone calls you that isn't an unknown number, you're instantly 'busy'. Then, when an unknown number does call and it's not the casting people, you get unaccountably pissed off with the poor sod on the other end of the phone. How DARE they not be people telling you that you're hired!

You may have guessed, Reader, that I am currently in that situation. I know I'm down to the last two for a part that I really really want, and I know that they're auditioning the other girl again today. So after about 3pm I shall most likely be a nervous wreck. I'm already keeping my phone in my bra (in case the girl doesn't show or has chopped off all her hair so they decide to just give me the part) and am already showing signs of a nervous breakdown. The thing is, if I hadn't known it was just between me and one girl, I think I'd be less worried. If there were a sea of nameless actors I was up against, I'd think 'well, it's like playing the lottery, no point getting nervous' but now it's more like a gameshow or something. I'm having to distract myself by doing lots of other things. Here is my list of things to do whilst trying to get the audition off my mind:

• Bake cookies (have made three trays so far)
• Go to a Rosemary Connelly class (ignoring cookies on side)
• Aerobics class with much older women who are much fitter than me
• Tea at Grandparents (hide phone, they might think I'm being rude)
• Take cat to vet to get his lump prodded (the scratches might distract me)
• Remove make up, then re-apply
• Eat The Lad's birthday chocolate, turn the Rosemary Connelly booklet upside down because it's making me feel guilty
• Paint nails
• Realise nail varnish is gone all gloopy and hurry to take it off, spilling it on white duvet
• Read Tolstoy
• Stop reading Tolstoy and pick up copy of Cosmopolitan instead
• Stop reading Cosmo and pick up copy of Heat instead
• Stop reading Heat and pick up copy of Thomas the Tank engine instead
• Stroke cat
• Tend to scratches
• Check online to see if the casting director's been really obvious and has written any hints on her facebook
• Wonder if adding casting director as a friend on facebook is too bum-lickey
• Make a chart of x-factor predictions
• Book a train ticket to see friend on other side of England
• Consider quitting acting to become a teacher 
• Consider cutting hair
• Decide not to cut hair
• Decide to cut hair if I don't get the part
• Go slowly but surely mad

The end!

Ash

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