Feminine as a feline

Reader, today I went to see a film called 'Bridesmaids'. It was so fantastic. Like The Hangover, only more girl centric. The actresses in it were all in their thirties and forties (which made it a far better film than it would have been with a cast of picture perfect 20 year olds), it was crude, unashamed, naughty and completely hysterical. I would quite happily watch it again today in fact, which I can't say about most films. Me and the mother cackled so hard that at one point we were afraid we'd get kicked out.

One thing that it really made me think about was femininity. The concept of femininity has changed so much over the course of just a few decades that it's unclear what constitutes being feminine any more. In the film, we experienced a group of fantastic characters, who were bawdy, filthy and (for want of a better word) blokey, but I for one could see a lot of parallels between them and my group of friends and I. Like them, we get drunk on really quite atrocious brands of alcohol, swear like troopers and make tasteless jokes about blow jobs. But I would still say that we have our feminine qualities. In fact, I am quite proud of my feminine side and like to indulge it whenever I can. There's definitely an interesting oxymoron there. Whilst I encourage my girly side in all it's forms, I also would be furious should someone tell me that just because I'm a girl I shouldn't be loud, make dirty jokes and knock back Sambuca like a seasoned pro. I don't really mind though. The truth of it is that I am not completely feminine. I think anyone who is entirely must be quite boring, I'm quite sure I've never met any woman or girl who doesn't have at least one unladylike trait.

Maybe then we can make a 'new femininity'. A list of the rules to be feminine but without losing our sense of fun? I suppose it's different for everyone, but here's the beginning to my personal list:

1. Always wear nice underwear. Matching or at least similar colours. Never buy underwear simply because it's convenient and comfy (this of course is excepting nude undies and spanx), always think that someone may see them soon.
2. Wear beautiful perfume. Never pay less than £30 for it, cheap perfume goes funny very quickly. (I earn practically nothing and live by this, good perfume lasts at least a year so there's no excuse)
3. Read fantastic books. Femininity shouldn't mean bimboism. Some of the most feminine but striking and memorable women I have ever met have been huge fans of Tolstoy, Dickens and Joyce. 
4. Have at least one perfect red lipstick. It should be matte, not shiny and without glitter. It may not be used every day but the option should always be there.
5. Have at least one heroine to compare yourself to. Never tell anyone who that is, it's yours for personal reference. Do not copy this heroine, be uniquely yourself, but in times of trouble, embrace a little of their spirit, because a little spirit goes a long way.
6. Know how to do DIY. Never rely on a man to hang a picture for you. Unless you have no arms.
7. Swear, but do it with class, not every other word. By all means, say the C word if you want, but make it count when you do. 
8. Never allow a man (or indeed another woman) to strike you in anger. Play fighting and abuse are different. A truly brave woman is a woman who knows when to walk away.
9. Sex is not currency. It is a wonderful experience that should be enjoyed by both parties and should never be given if not meant. Have as much of it as you like but be discrete, safe and as soon as it stops being fun, stop doing it.
10. Although #8 is so so true-very rarely in life there comes a time when one truly sensational slap is needed. If someone gropes you, mistreats you in a heinous fashion or reduces one of your nearest and dearest to tears, a single slap may be in order. BE WARNED. This is rarely the case and should not be handed out willy nilly. Violence is not attractive. I have only ever had this twice in my life. Both were very dramatic moments. After a slap, simply turn and walk away. Don't turn it into a punch up.
11. Know when to say sorry. Especially if you've done number 10 when it wasn't deserved.
12. Support your friends at all times, even when they're acting in a ridiculous manner (support whilst giving great advice in that instance)
13. Spend as much time with people you love as possible.
14. Have at least one great dinner party recipe up your sleeve that you can make in less than an hour. This has been known to win people jobs, entice proposals and in my case, earn money.
15. Be a great listener. You'll gain huge amounts of knowledge and when the time comes, the people you listen to will listen to you.
16. Know what your beliefs are and be able to defend other peoples against bigotry.
17. Take advice from glamorous older women, they are wise and know all the best secrets.
18. Dry shampoo is a short term solution. Not a way of life.
19. Say thank you with grace. Say fuck you with conviction.
20. Never wear trainers with a suit. Even if it's really comfy. Just don't.

I could go on forever. I'm sure not everyone will agree with the list, but then to be honest, everyone should have their own individual ones! Men included. I would love to hear some of your own lists, men can do the 'new masculinity' ones if they like! I know my father's would include having a record collection and a great supply of black socks...

That's all for now Reader, 

Tarrah!

Ash

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Holiday in de sun...

Reader, I am so ready for a holiday. It has been about three years since I've been somewhere sunny and let that yummy yummy heat soak through to my bones. Even longer since I've been away with my family (4 years, 5 maybe?) Reader, I fear that I may have had my very last childhood holiday. Now, I do realise that I am 23 and this is surely old enough to be going on holidays myself (If I had the money that is, which I defo don't), but I didn't realise that my last family holiday would be, well, my last family holiday. If I had known, I would have relished it far more! You see Reader, my family holidays were like holidays written about in Enid Blyton novels, only with more boozing and less searching old shipwrecks for gypsy gold. Traditionally we'd rent a villa on one of the Spanish islands, close to the sea but near enough away from the tourists (snobs, us?) to avoid WKD and condom littered streets and afford us a little peace and quiet. We'd stay up late into the night drinking local liqueurs and eating tapas, then walk hope in the humid evening, slightly pissed and extremely rotund. I'd always wake up earlyish to have a swim in the morning without anyone else in it, then I'd lay by the pool with one of the 20 books me and mum would smuggle into the suitcases until lunch, when we'd feast upon local produce, breads and olives and cheeses and fight over the crisps. Afternoons would be blissfully spent by the pool or wandering round old cobbled towns searching for leather goods and the perfect place to have dinner that night. They were holidays that truly rested the soul, we'd come back a good stone heavier, but so chilled we could pass for rastas.

*Sigh* I miss those holidays. If a fairy wanted to wave their spangly wand and give me another one, or at least a lottery win so that I could afford to take my parents on one, I'd be much obliged.

In other news, I have an audition next week for a really interesting thriller project, fingers crossed for me eh chaps! I also have a job interview this week for a call centre job selling wine, which is ironic given that I don't actually drink the stuff...oh well, it pays more than my last job! What else has happened? Well, I visited my lovely mentor before her show in Leicester Square the other day which was great and then sent her links to my graduate film and the music video I recently did for my very talented Russian director friend and she gave me such amazing feedback that my head has genuinely swollen to about double it's size and my cheeks are constantly blushing with pride. I may print it out and frame it actually. I won't tell you what it said, because that would be boasting (what, because that whole paragraph wasn't? Shut up Ash...). Also, today I went to see two films. The Hangover II and POTC4. Both were unexpected delights, although I now have slight tunnel vision from too much cinema time. BLB is busy revising for his A levels and The Lad is gearing up for the Pokemon Tournament he's dragging me to in Birmingham (god help me). So all good really!

More blogs on their way, sorry for the lateness of this one, I've been seriously pooped of late
Bysie bye Reader!
Ash
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