It's actually pretty easy being green...

Ok Reader, I'm about to do something I never do. You've heard me wax lyrical about cakes of all shapes and size, I've shared my indulgent recipe for three cheese and caramelised onion tarts, I've even talked about the joy of comfort food. But today (on my 200th post no less!) I am going to wax lyrical about something I never thought I'd be praising.

A healthy food choice.

Not just a healthy food choice Reader-green smoothies.

I know! Vegetables, as a drink! Not even a juice, a chunky, takes forever to drink, liquid MEAL in fact! How could I possibly, as a foodie, be praising something so gym-bunny dull?

Well here's the thing Reader.

I love food. Scratch that. I am obsessed by food. I am a brilliant cook (I know that sounds up myself, but I really am, it look lots of hard work and messing up and making rubbish food, but years of having to cook for veggies, wheat intolerances, vegans and people on diets plus your usual picky folk, means that I now know how to make most things taste awesome). I spend my days dreaming of stodgy roast dinners, fabulous Moroccan feasts, smoky American BBQ'd meat and diner food, piles of ice cream and almost any kind of Asian food you could mention. I'm also a complete snackaholic. Generally, I need a few snacks in the day, else I get a bit dizzy and grumpy.

All of this is fine, but it means that my weight is a constant struggle, because I have one internal voice that is going 'EAT ALL THE FOOD' and another reminding me that I have to fit into a bridesmaid dress, or various costumes, or play a role where being a UK size 10 is mentioned in the script. Inevitably, I therefore find myself a constant victim of Feast or Famine. I will eat everything that takes my fancy for months, put on lots of weight, briefly enjoy having a bottom that bounces, then remember that I need to be a size smaller to fit into my clothes comfortably. So then I undertake a diet. I've tried them all, Slimfast (chemical awfulness but quite handy when your lifestyle is as crazy as mine), High Protien, no carb (I gained weight-I ate a LOT of cream and cheese on that diet), Weight Watchers (lost weight but put it all back on and then got obsessive about calories), Rosemary Connelly (probably the best of the bunch as their ethos seems to be 'cut out the processed shit, eat less, do a zumba class once a week'.) Inevitably I lose the weight (or sometimes don't lose it, annoyingly) feel ill and deprived whilst doing so and crave every other kind of food whilst doing so.

Reader, last week I was in Tuscany. The week prior to that, I'd been doing slimfast, so I'd feel less guilty about eating everything in sight in Italy. I'd spent the week with an awful metallic taste in my mouth, a weird tired feeling and a breakout of spots. I hated it, because it's such a terrible, chemical, processed way to eat and as a foodie, goes against all my instincts, but I'm so busy at the moment, I don't have time to count calories or do food maps or even fill in a food diary. While I was away, I was reading Good Housekeeping (I only ever read that, Woman and Home or Red-they're targeted at older women and are far more interesting than the awful, sadistic magazines targeted at 20-somethings in my experience) and came across an article about a young woman who had completely changed the way she ate, and, as a side effect, her life.

Now, this young lady also has a really brilliant website, which you can read here . Essentially, after months of feeling tired, fat, bloated, dizzy, crampy and nauseous, she decided to stop eating processed food, wheat, dairy and refined sugar. I read the article and enjoyed it, but then couldn't stop thinking about it. Now, there is no way I could be vegan 100% of the time. I've tried that, but the thought of never having cheese again just...no. Nor could I be wheat free the entire time. But maybe if I developed an 80/20 method, I might find it easier. That way, I could save eating wheat etc for holidays to Italy where I couldn't resist the home made pasta and pizza, really incredible meals in London and dinner parties.

Even so, I didn't really think that it would work out for me. When I arrived home (feeling sluggish and knackered) I had a night in with my girlfriends and sat about eating every kind of cheese you could possibly imagine, bread, crisps, ice cream and by the next morning, I felt dreadful. Bloated, tired, wrung out. So I got up and went to Asda and got some basic ingredients I'd seen on a green juice and smoothie website. I picked up avacados and celery thinking 'Really?' I nearly gave up when it told me to buy kale and spinach. 'For DRINKING?!' I though, aghast. But I decided to give it a go anyway and if it was dreadful, just chalk it up to experience.

The first smoothie was made. It was a dreadful, murky brownish green and I was convinced it was going to be horrific. But actually, due to the fruit, you couldn't taste the veggies. And I was so full after, I couldn't have dinner. So now I've been making vegetable smoothies for a week. I have them instead of two meals a day, and have now perfected the balance so they're a bright, vibrant green rather than that weird murky colour. I feel amazing, I've never been fuller, I'm not snacking much at all and when I am it's a handful of nuts or a spoon of almond butter. My skin is clear, my eyes are bright and I'm feeling slimmer already. I've been so full of energy that I've been waking up at 7.30am each day naturally and at night can't sleep till the wee hours. I'm even finding that I'm drinking more water and less diet coke because the smoothies taste sweet enough to me that I don't need the artificial sweetners as much.

It's weird because normally by now I'd be passing restaurants and lingering over their menus, or trying to justify to myself why it's totally ok to have a bag of chips, but actually, I just don't want them at the moment. My current diet is so natural and clean that it seems wrong to have things that aren't, and I can feel the difference in myself. Last night I had a peanut butter cookie my housemate made. It was delicious, but within an hour, my stomach was hurting and I felt a bit gross from all the sugar. Normally I'd be the one in the corner eating a whole plate of the things, so this felt pretty odd!

I'm not preaching Reader, just giving you my experience. You never know, by next week I might be sick of them (I somehow doubt it though, each one tastes so different, I'm not sure you could get bored!)

Look at the bottom of this page for my recipe for my favourite energy burst smoothie!

Tarrah!
Ash
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Energy Burst veggie smoothie

(makes 4 servings)

Two handfuls spinach
Three handfuls kale
Small handful frozen raspberries
Half an avacado
One Banana
Two stalks celery
One apple
Juice of one lime and one orange
Enough coconut water to fill the blender up by a quarter
One Tbs Almond Butter (get the natural, no added anything one)
A Third of a Pineapple

Whiz up in a blender and enjoy!

Pokemon WAG

Ok Reader, so on Saturday, The Lad and I popped on a train and went off to Birmingham so he could compete in the National Pokemon Championships. We were both knackered, he'd been up till the wee hours all week training his virtual pets to do all sorts of mad things and I'd just had my first week at work, and had that day had an optician's appointment, an audition and an 8 hour day at work, all in completely different parts of London. The Lad was stressing out because he was pretty sure he wasn't going to make it in time to register to take part (which would have been a hell of a waste since he spent so much on our fares) and I was trying to stay awake with quite a great deal of difficulty. We did eventually arrive though, clammy from the train. What was pretty surprising was that the train station was actually attached to the warehouse/exhibition centre that the event was held in. Handy, but it did mean that even though I have now been to Birmingham, I've never actually seen any of it, which is vaguely ridiculous.

Reader, we walked for miles. It was like walking through a huge shopping centre, only it was completely dead and longer, with less to look at. It was at this point I became convinced that there wouldn't be anyone there. That it would be just me, The Lad and two 11 year olds. Boy was I wrong.

We turned a corner and saw the sign for the hall we wanted, entered it and were almost eviscerated by a wall of BO. There were at least 600 people in there, mainly all bunched up in a square of people. After a while we figured out that the big square was actually the line to sign up to compete, so we joined the back (yes, we. I kept him company despite the sweat smell) and waited. Now, I'm generally a big fan of the geeks. My boyfriend is one, my brother is pretty geeky and most of my friends have their moments. But my god. I have been to conventions before and experienced the hidden geeky nature of Britain and have enjoyed it but this....this was unspeakable. The people in the line were what can only be described as socially inept, it was a bit like a group of hyperactive 5 year old boys with ADD and hygiene issues got put into sightly overweight men's bodies. There was the guy behind us that kept quoting pokemon to himself as if it was real life in a too loud, snotty nosed way 'Oshawot, I choose YOU!' and then going 'This sucks! I'm never going to get in! I HAVE TO DO THIS!' We were pretty scared. Then there was the obese albino man dressed as a fisherman. And who can forget the double denim'd lad with enormous glasses who looked like he was going to wee himself? And those were the normal people...

Out of the hundreds of people, I spotted only one other WAG, who frankly looked as out of place as I felt. We shared a sympathetic look as we carted out boyfriends' bags around while they competed and I felt she was a kindred spirit who understood my pain. However, it did mean that there was never a line for the ladies loos which was nice. 

Anyway, The Lad hasn't stopped boasting since, because he got into the final 32 people out of 500 and we worked out he was something like 26th. He has told literally everyone we've encountered since the battle and I have to say, I am a little worried. He's become a little aggressive to strangers since then, especially on trains. I have to keep reminding him that it doesn't give him special social status and nor does it allow him rights over other citizens of England. However, I have to admit, I am pretty relieved. Going to the tournament showed me that yes, I may have a geeky boyfriend, but in comparison to most, he's a god! Comparatively, he was the coolest guy there. Which was nice. Although we were disappointed that One Direction didn't show up after their ad campaign for pokemon of late... 

Another thing that I keep meaning to blog about is a gig me and The Lad went to a while ago, which was AWESOME. It was for a band called The Cold War Kids who are like The White Stripes, but better and more talented with more interesting songs. The Lad introduced me to them last year, and I have to say, I'm very glad he did, cause they're fantastic. Their gig was no exception, they were brimming with energy and we managed to get all the way to the front! We were so close in fact that we kept catching the lead singer's eye (so cool) but conversely, there was a scary looking bassist who looked like he belonged on a Mormon farm 200 years ago and had terrifying deep set eyes. So whenever he looked our way we'd pretend to be distracted by something shiny. He was THAT SCARY. And he looked angry all the time. If he had smiled we probably wouldn't have been so freaked out, but noooooo....But yes, they were incredible live and I would completely go and see them again. I would also suggest all of you lot go download the album because it is hella good.

In other news, it's looking like my wheat allergy is getting worse which is tragic as my diet mainly consists of bread and cheese in various different forms. I will endeavour to ignore it still though, despite the agonising stomach pains it seems to be flinging my way! Have steer cleared of the wheat all yesterday and today, but I have a red velvet cupcake in my fridge, so I may well cave tomorrow!

On that note lovely Reader, 

goodnight!

Ash

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Sweating BBQ sauce (of the Heinz variety)

Reader, today I gave in to my base instincts and had a BBQ. Yes, I know, everyone's doing it, but that doesn't make it right! It was 25 degrees in the shade, granted, but let's face matters gang: IT'S ONLY APRIL! Easter Sunday hasn't even happened yet! And normally on the Easter egg hunt I'm wrapped in flannel pjs (see previous blog)! This year I might be doing it in hotpants, and lets face it people, nobody needs to see that. I am sadly not Tamara Drew, hotpants do not make me look like a slightly wobbly goddess, they make me look like two large sausages have had a nasty accident with a denim thimble.

Bad times.

And yet still today the BBQ. I got wrapped up in the joys of summer. I flounced around putting bean burgers on the rack (in a way only a poncy veggie can) and Quorn hot dogs in my buns (ha ha, in-your-endo!).  And therein lay the problem Reader. I have a slight wheat intolerance. I ignore it much to my advantage for a large chunk of the time, but on occasion it rears its ugly head to remind me that it exists and when I reach 35 it will take over my life to the extent that I have to eat scummy wheat free pasta and eat rice bread (I mean for crying out loud, why even BOTHER?) But for now I bravely carry on shoving buns, ciabatta and pasta down my gullet with only a slight twinge of guilt about what will happen at Weight Watchers. Today was one of the days my slight intolerance decided to pop by. At breakfast, only marmitey toast would stop my morning breakfast pangs. At lunch, an Applewood cheese and sweet chilli sarnie sounded like a great idea. 'One olive bread roll' I thought to myself, 'Can't possibly hurt'. And it didn't. It was delicious in fact. Then, just before dinner (because Dad was taking ages doing man things with the BBQ i.e. Bugger all and I was starving) I snarfled a bit of buttery toast. Still fine. Then dinner arrived at last and I had olive bread as a starter and two burger buns for my bean burger and Quorn hot dogs. And suddenly WHAM! I looked like I'd had an immaculate conception that had been fast forwarded to getting stuck in a manger. Nothing hurt exactly, it was just all stretched to the point of bursting. Like I had self raising flour based triplets in there. My Mum looked at my tummy with what can only be described as a 'been there done that' look (she has been through all of the stages and has now been at the wheat free pasta stage for a good ten years). I had to roll up the stairs to bed. Of course one brilliant thing about this is it's an excuse to go to bed early. And I love going to bed early. I forgive myself for the overindulgence because I know it's only because in a few years I will have to say goodbye to my favourite food for good. But no worries, I'll just replace it with chips. Potato intolerance? I think not.

In other news, I have turned into one giant freckle. Such are the joys of being half Irish in the sun (I couldn't have got my Dad's gypsy skin could I? Not bloody likely.) I hate having facial freckles. You can always tell someone doesn't have them because when you say something like that they go 'awwww, freckles are cuuute though!' No. No you lucky freckle-less person, freckles are only cute if you have an adorable smattering of them across your nose. Not when you look like you've been machine gunned with dirty water. I now have trouble getting served in bars. I look like an 11 year old with breasts. And not in the Sucker Punch way.

Sigh.

Well, I shall leave you on that one Reader

Enjoy the sun and remember to cover up!
Ash
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