Thoughts thunk from a sickbed...

So Reader, I had planned to film a vlog today, but since I've been struck down by a pretty rancid coughing and vomiting bug (on my birthday week as well!) I've instead decided to write a blog post. Because I currently look like the girl from The Ring and no one needs to see that on a Sunday.

THINGS THUNK FROM A SICKBED

• Will this ever end? No. This is eternal. I will be some coughing spewing demon for as long as I live.
• I'm going to get so thin. I might even be able to pull off crop tops after this!
• Hah, who am I kidding, Bette Davis wouldn't wear a crop top so there's no way I will
• I may never eat or drink anything again (apart from water and day nurse). I don't even miss food right now.
• (Post Lucozade and crisps) I FEEL ON TOP OF THE WORLD
• (Half an hour later) Oh...no. No, that wasn't a forever feeling. Back to being a swamp creature.
• I'm bored of sleeping. Is that even possible?
• I wish my Partner In Crime was here. He could stroke my hair and watch Adventuretime with me!
• Actually, I'm really glad he's not here. I can't do conversation right now and I look like something you'd find in unexplored parts of the ocean. Sexy.
• I should tidy my room when I feel a bit better
• Maybe I should throw away everything I own...my life would be so much less cluttered
• But that would include my fifties dresses and books...no. Not happening.
• I can't even remember what it feels like to not be ill.
• I wonder what everyone else is doing today? Probably stuff that is more fun than hugging a bucket and planning deathbed speeches
• I haven't been sick for hours. Maybe I'm better now! Maybe all my symptoms are psychological!
• Wait, am I a hypochondriac? 
• Nah, I dislike being ill too much. 
• That coughing fit was harsh. Maybe I have consumption like Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge. 
• Oohhh Moulin Rouge. Is that on Netflix? 
• Seriously, do I have to have another day in bed tomorrow? Days in bed are only good if you've chosen to have them. Not if you are FORCED to be in bed. I want to vlog! 
• I'm all alone....ain't no one here beside me....
• Ooh, a Buzzfeed post on Labour and Delivery stories! 
• I AM NEVER GIVING BIRTH.
• There are no books I fancy reading, no films I want to watch and my arse of a phone has just reset Candy Crush. There is no hope for me. Pass the night nurse.

Ash

x

Under the weather...

Reader, I'm a little under the weather at the moment. It's my own fault really, I've been working too much and then going out too much whenever I have time off. But seriously, not feeling yourself sucks. Everything hurts, I'm too foggy to focus on work or films or books but I'm also so bored I've started counting everything red in my room (42 things so far if you're interested). 

The thing is, I have loads to do. I need to do another vlog, I've got a seriously messy room, a deadline to meet for work and loads of other bits and bobs that require not being in bed with crazy nest hair and a fever. I'm working from bed, but it's taking much longer than usual because I keep mucking up and having to go back to fix things. Typing 'HR Mankier' instead of 'HR Manager' was not a proud moment...

Ideally, I need someone to come and put cold compresses on my forehead, feed me nice food and scratch my back. And it should probably be someone I don't fancy since I look like something you might find at the back of the reduced section of the should-be-chilled-but-isn't bit of Lidl. Slightly blue and scruffy. It's at times like this I wish I was Hogwarts educated. Because frankly, I could do with flying buffets of fresh pesto pasta and lucozade and a magical massage right now. 

I think the real issue is I don't ever really give myself a proper break. So I've been thinking of booking myself a little holiday by the sea, maybe going to Brighton for a long weekend or even Whitstable-somewhere I won't be able to work and will be forced to stay on the sofa with hot coco and films. 

Anyone have a spare house by the sea they want to lend me? 

Hope you're feeling more alive than I am Reader!

Ash 

x