The perils of being part sloth...

Reader, were you to meet me in real life, you might be fooled into thinking that I am an energetic lass with buckets of get up and go. You would be wrong. I am incredibly busy, yes, and constantly doing stuff, but buried deep beneath all the meetings and auditions and international jobs and projects is a sloth whinging that 'I JUST WANT TO STAY IN BED AND BE FED PIZZA AND HAVE SOMEONE SCRATCH MY BACK'. For, dear Reader, I am a secret lazy bint.

If given the choice, I would always choose to stay in my cosy flat with a delicious meal and a pile of books bigger than my head over going out to a cooler than cool event where I have to schmooze. Don't get me wrong, I love a bit of a schmooze too, but I am so rarely in my home, that the chance to be in front of my telly in my pants with my home made aubergine bake in front of me and an episode of Friends on the telly is just a dream come true.

So this evening, the first evening in a kazillion years when I've actually been in and able to cook a beautiful meal (pasta made out of courgettes in garlic and basil, chicken stuffed with mozzarella and sun dried tomatoes and drizzled with pesto in case you were wondering...) and 3 episodes of Friends later, I am feeling a little guilty about not having done any work or any tidying (I've been out so often of late my room is a rubbish dump with a small space for me to sleep in), I thought I'd share with you some of the struggles of being half sloth and a quarter mattress (on top of my quarter human obviously).

SLOTH GIRL STRUGGLES

1. Mornings

Oh mornings. These days I set three alarms because my bed is SO COMFY, leaving it makes me die a little inside. It's summer at the moment and when I see sun shining in in the morning my first thought is 'Oh, what a beautiful day!' and my second is 'I have NO EXCUSE to stay in bed. Arses.' My favourite kind of day is a day where I have nothing to do and it's pouring down with rain. This hasn't happened for about a year, but even so. 

2. Eating healthily

So, as you might have remembered from previous posts, I am a rather fantastic cook. I can whip up traditional and innovative recipes that will make your head spin so fast you'll get whiplash. But because I'm really really lazy, my current favourite dinner is a cheese string and a bowl of ice cream. Thank god for green smoothies, I'd definitely get scurvy otherwise...

3. When people tell you they're in the area and are going to drop in

 

One big issue I have with being a sloth girl is that my bed very quickly becomes the epicentre of everything. It is my desk, my dressing table and my library. And because, at the moment I am so horrendously (but in the nicest way possible) busy, I have no time to clear it all up. Nor do I have time to tidy the kitchen. Or put on a clothes wash. So when people 'just drop in' it's like panic code red and all of a sudden some very creative 'mess hiding' comes into play

4. People thinking I'm super feminine when I'm actually not



You know why I wear dresses? Because it's only one piece of clothing. Less to wash, less to coordinate and people think I'm FANCY. Know why I have long hair? Because I'm a lazy fucker and cutting and stying takes forever. Also partly because I can whip it back and forth. (Just whip it)

5. Stairs



Much like a sloth, I am lazy, clumsy and do not have lots of control of my limbs. Stairs are not my friends.

6. Exercise



When I do exercise, I am genuinely exasperated that I am not instantly a toned size 8. If I do exercise once a week, I'm so smug that I have issues containing it. A friend of mine who has my ideal figure told me she worked out four times a week for an hour each time. WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT? I'll stick with being a bit lumpy thanks...

7. Thinking one of my arms is a branch, reaching for it then falling to my death



Oh no....wait, that's real sloths...

I bloody love sloths.

Anyway, hope you're well Reader! I'm in bed. Predictably.
Ash
x
p.s don't forget to check out my vlogs! 

Forgetting that I'm lazy....

Oh Reader, this morning, after my run, I was hit by a sudden revelation: If people do not remind me to work then I forget that I have to. This blog is a perfect example. When I got back from Ireland, I had to get 5 messages asking when the next blog would be before I remembered that it was something that I should really be doing regularly. Acting is the same thing. I keep forgetting that it's one of those things that you have to keep putting work into for it to work. It's all too easy for me to go, 'well I'm waiting to get that one last bit of film for my showreel, so I'll just wait for it, hum tee hum' and then do nothing for ages. In this case, because I'm trying to do lots of very boring admin stuff to put on a play in a few months, I keep thinking that I don't need to do anything else to further my career. Which is, quite frankly, BALLS. Because that's the thing with being an actor, you need to constantly be working at it and looking for auditions. And I keep using the fact that I'm waiting on one bit of film to not do that. I mean, yeah, I don't want to write to agents without a showreel to present to them, but I could be at least trying to get some filming done of my own! I've had a script sitting by my bed for ages that I've wanted to film, an application form to The Actor's Centre and emails to write to my mentor that I've been putting off because of sheer laziness.

So now I feel the need to be super organised, but that's the problem with having a job, you don't have the necessary time to go with it! I feel like I need a full three days, with someone who knows how to organise stuff, to sort out my life a bit. A working holiday. But if I'm not working, I'm not earning. And if I'm not earning then I'm going to have serious difficulty paying my phone bill, so I won't be able to organise my life! And the circle of life continues.

Of course, that in itself is just a massive excuse. Let's face it Reader. I am a lazy cow. Is there a pill for that?

So what else has been going on of late? I've been trying to find a Theatre for a show that I'm hopefully doing this year. This morning I have called 5 separate people. One laughed at me when they heard I was looking for a cheap space in November. I had a lovely bank holiday weekend, during which I got very drunk and subsequently very hungover, then had tea with my grandparents. I watched the film Limitless and got very jealous (I want a pill that makes me all motivated and smart!) then proved how much I need said pill by telling The Lad that I was the opposite of that, Limitful. ('Uh....don't you mean limited?')

Right, on that note Reader, I have to dash off to work!
Wine wine wine
Ash
x